BIG
SHOT BIRTHDAYS _ Peter Tork of The Monkees is 71; Stockard Channing
(Grease) is 69; Jerry Springer is 69; Peter Gabriel (Genesis, solo) is 63; Mena
Suvari (American Beauty) is 34

NEWS
ATTACK _ Did you hear the State of the Union last night (Tuesday)? [It
looked like the President had a lot of things to say, but I couldn't hear him
over the crunching of my Doritos.]

IT'S
NOT A HERNIA...IT'S A BABY _ In Jackson, Michigan, Linda Ackley went to
the hospital Friday morning thinking she had a hernia. By Friday night, she had
given birth to a 10-pound baby. It's an amazing story when you hear about the
couple. Linda and Mike are high school sweethearts that have been married 24
years and thought they were unable to have kids. Not only that, Linda contracted
a bacterial infection that put her in a week-long coma 2 years ago. Doctors
thought she wouldn't pull through.

WACKY-BUT-TRUE:
FLORIDIAN ATTACKED A CAR WITH A MACHETE _ Christopher Mordecai walked
outside of his Palm Bay, Florida, home to find a strange car in the driveway.
Then he saw his wife and another dude inside, went back in to grab a machete,
and turned the guy's windows into a shower of glass shards.

NUMBER
FOR THE DAY _ 9.2: Days of vacation unused by the average person
(American) in 2012.

MATT
DAMON ANNOUNCES HE'S GOING ON TOILET STRIKE _ Matt Damon held a fake
press conference Tuesday to announce he would be going on a toilet strike in
support of water.org, a non-profit organization he co-founded that provides aid
for developing regions that don't have access to safe drinking water and
sanitation.

...
Damon announces in the
tongue-in-cheek video press conference: "In protest of this global tragedy
and until this issue is resolved, until everybody has access to clean water and
sanitation, I will not go to the bathroom."

NAME
A ROACH FOR YOUR VALENTINE _ Can't decide on what to get your
valentine? The Bronx Zoo has 58,000 Madagascar hissing roaches -- most with no
name. For
a $10 donation, you can name one for your sweetie and send a truly a
certificate of honor.

Have a great day!

John Elliott