BIG
SHOT BIRTHDAYS _ Actor Howard Hesseman (Dr. Johnny Fever on WKRP in
Cincinnati) is 73; Rock guitarist/pianist Neal Schon (Journey) is 59; Former
First Daughter Chelsea Clinton is 33; Kate Mara (American Horror Story,
Netflix's House of Cards) is 30

NEWS
ATTACK! _ Snooki sold her custom Cadillac Escalade on eBay for $77,000.
[It's a hybrid -- it runs on a combination of gasoline and tanning oil.]

TITANIC
II BLUEPRINTS UNVEILED _ An Australian billionaire, Clive Palmer, has
unveiled blueprints for Titanic II, a modern replica of the doomed ocean liner.
The ship will mostly recreate the design and decor of the famous original, with
some modifications to keep it in line with current safety rules and shipbuilding
practices, and the addition of some modern comforts such as air
conditioning.

WACKY-BUT-TRUE:
MAN CALLS 911 NINE TIMES FOR CHEESEBURGER _ A New Castle, Indiana,
man's hunger for a cheeseburger landed him in jail. Gregory Jackson Sr. was so
hungry this past Friday night, he called 911 to get it. Not just once, but nine
times in about 90 minutes.

...
This guy wasn't even at a burger restaurant, but the story reminded me of the
woman who called 911 because Burger King wouldn't make her a Western Bacon
Cheeseburger.

NEWS
ATTACK! _ Good news: A literary scholar has found more than 50
unpublished poems by Rudyard Kipling. [Even better news: I'm out of school so I
don't have to worry about memorizing them.]

BEN
STILLER TO RETURN TO ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT _ Ben Stiller is set to
revisit his role as magician Tony Wonder in an upcoming episode of Arrested
Development, which will resume on Netfix this May.

Have a great day!

John Elliott